Parenting Plans

If you are divorcing or breaking up and have children, at the very same time you and your spouse or partner are in the painful process of ending your marriage or partnership you are beginning a new and enduring relationship as co-parents. This is a difficult but necessary transition for families who believe that children deserve to have a full and positive relationship with both parents, whether in one home or two. Maintaining healthy attachments with both parents during and after a break up or divorce is an enormous protective factor, helping to build children’s resilience during a very challenging time for them.

We’re not exactly getting along well now. How can we become effective co-parents in the future?

An invaluable tool for making the transition from life partners to co-parents is a well-constructed, developmentally responsive Parenting Plan. A Parenting Plan provides a road map for the future, based on shared parental agreements.  A well-constructed Parenting Plan provides a detailed structure for co-parenting while leaving necessary room for flexibility. In this regard, a Parenting Plan should be considered a living document, regularly reviewed and updated as needed as children grow and change.

In Collaborative Practice, we recognize that parents deserve neutral guidance and child development expertise in the creation of their Parenting Plan. Neutral Child Specialists on a collaborative team use a child-inclusive process to help tailor Parenting Plans to the unique needs of each family.   The feedback of children, including their hopes, wishes and ideas for the future provides an excellent springboard for co-parental decision-making.  A child-inclusive process maximizes the chances that your Parenting Plan will be the best fit possible for your children. Your children’s temperaments, personalities, ages and stages, life skills and developmental assets will be at the center of the process. 

What does a Parenting Plan look like?

Clear and specific worksheets assist parents in understanding what agreements are included in a well-constructed Parenting Plan. In Collaborative Practice, worksheets are provided by Neutral Child Specialists or other team members so parents can be well-prepared for the process. 

Parenting Plans contain sections on decision-making for children’s education, health care, religious and cultural upbringing, child care and activities. There are also sections detailing parenting time schedules during the school year, in the summer, on holidays and school breaks, and on vacations. Other sections detail effective communication skills and strategies, handling transitions, and making decisions about the introduction of new significant others to the children. A dispute resolution process for the future is created.  Other sections of a plan may be created to address specific needs of a particular family.

The process of creating a Parenting Plan involves interest-based negotiation and problem solving in a neutral space. This process helps ensure that agreements reached represent the joint decisions of both parents and are as clear and detailed as possible.  A well-designed Parenting Plan should be sustainable as long as parents honor the agreements they have reached.  An excellent complement to a Parenting Plan is the Relationship Plan developed under the guidance of a Neutral Coach, and articulating shared agreements for respectful behavior and effective boundaries for co-parenting.

Why don’t all divorced parents have Parenting Plans?

A Parenting Plan is not mandatory for a divorce, though in one form or another, divorcing parents must make agreements on behalf of their children. In a traditional process, custody labels are assigned, and provisions for parenting in the future are included in the Stipulated Judgment and Decree prepared by the attorneys.

In 1999, the Minnesota legislature enacted Parenting Plan legislation giving parents the option to dispense with custody labels and create their own agreements regarding co-parenting their children.  In Collaborative Practice, we believe that Parenting Plans encourage and support parents to reach the most creative, balanced and developmentally appropriate agreements possible in the best interests of their children.

However, there are circumstances in which creating a Parenting Plan may not be appropriate, e.g. in cases involving documented child abuse;  in cases involving domestic violence;  when a major power imbalance exists between parents;  or when parental mental illness or chemical dependency  is  an obstacle to full and trustworthy participation in the process of developing and adhering to the Parenting Plan.

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