Taking Care of Yourself
There may be substantial impact to your emotional and psychological well-being at the time of your breakup.
The impact of divorce or separation may manifest itself in some or all of the followings ways:
- A “crisis of identity”. When you have shared a life with someone, how can you start to envision life again as a single person? Who will that new single person be?
- A “crisis of faith” or challenge to long-held assumptions. It is hard to make sense of the experience. How can your marriage be ending when it showed so much life and promise at the beginning? Why is it happening, when you both once shared so many values and beliefs?
- A “crisis of survival”. The body itself seems to perceive the experience as an attack on its ability to survive. You may experience sleep disturbances, eating disturbances, increased vulnerability to outside viruses and disease, and even become more accident-prone.
How can you find a way to thrive in the context of separation or divorce?
Know that self-care is not selfish. Ending a marriage is more likely to increase rather than decrease the number of one’s responsibilities and obligations as many jobs that had been shared are no longer. Meeting these new obligations – to children, employers, et cetera – must begin with responsible care for your own mental and physical health. Do not wait until the divorce is final to begin paying attention to things like:
- Healthy Eating and Exercise. Healthy eating and exercise are known to be directly connected to mood and overall emotional health. Keeping your body properly fueled with a sensible diet will help you stay focused and stable. Even modest exercise done regularly will brighten your moods and increase your confidence.
- Personal Connections. While it may be tempting to withdraw, this is the perfect time to lean into your friendships and other relationships. Seek out new connections, whether at work, at church, or in your neighborhood. You may need to tell your story for awhile, but your life doesn’t need to be permanently defined by the words “my divorce”. Receive the genuine concern and support from people who care about you.
- Support Groups or Therapy. You may need months or years to be able to sort out all the questions you have from the breakdown of your marriage. Giving yourself time to do that is critical. When asking these questions is getting you nowhere, and going in circles, it can take a lot of emotional energy.
Many people find the directed support of divorce recovery groups or therapeutic counseling to be invaluable self-care as they seek to navigate their new reality as a single person. Ask your doctor, lawyer, or clergy person for help in finding a group or a therapist.
For more information, see the Public Resources section of this website.
